Balihow – Parental divorce can cast a long shadow, impacting children in numerous ways, from confusion and withdrawal to, surprisingly, their future romantic relationships.
According to child psychologist Gloria Siagian, M.Psi., from Mykidz Clinic BSD, Tangerang Regency, the effects of divorce can significantly shape a child’s understanding and expectations of love and commitment. “Children learn about relationships primarily from their parents,” she explained to Kompas.com on Monday, March 10, 2025.
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Witnessing their parents’ separation can create a lasting impression on a child’s psyche. It might normalize the idea of marriage ending in divorce, potentially influencing their own approach to romantic partnerships.
“Based on their parents’ relationship, a child might develop trust issues, become overly attached (bucin), or even completely lose faith in the concept of marriage,” Gloria elaborates.
The tendency to be overly attached, or a “love slave” (bucin), often stems from a deep-seated need for affection. For instance, a daughter deprived of her father’s affection due to the divorce may crave validation from male figures later in life. This unmet need from childhood can profoundly influence her adult relationships.
“For example, if the parents divorce and the daughter never sees her father again, remaining solely with her mother, this relates to the phenomenon of ‘fatherlessness’,” Gloria points out.
Looking ahead, children of divorce might either repeatedly divorce themselves or, conversely, shy away from marriage altogether, fearing the repetition of their parents’ painful experience. The specter of their parents’ divorce can loom large over their own romantic decisions.
“While we cannot prevent people from divorcing, we can help children process the experience,” Gloria emphasizes.
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Therefore, Gloria advises parents with custody to gradually explain the reasons for the divorce to their children in an age-appropriate manner.
“Ideally, there should be a discussion process where parents acknowledge and address the child’s feelings. This helps the child process their grief and sense of loss,” she concludes, highlighting the importance of open communication and emotional support in mitigating the negative impacts of divorce on children.
Ringkasan
Parental divorce significantly impacts children’s understanding of relationships, potentially normalizing divorce and shaping their future romantic partnerships. Children learn about relationships from their parents, and witnessing a separation can lead to trust issues, over-attachment, or a complete loss of faith in marriage, influenced by their parents’ experience.
Children of divorce may either repeat the pattern or avoid marriage altogether, fearing a similar outcome. Child psychologist Gloria Siagian emphasizes the importance of helping children process the experience through open communication and age-appropriate explanations from custodial parents, addressing their feelings of grief and loss to mitigate the negative impacts of divorce.